If Lane 1 is the truck lane, and Lane 3 is the BMW-with-front-foglights-on lane, then Lane 2 is that motoring no man's land. The kind of lane where the speeds are neither annoyingly slow nor frighteningly fast. The kind of lane where you can just switch on the cruise control and never have to worry about overtaking, moving over or really doing anything at all. Apart from looking in the glovebox to see if you have enough boiled sweets to last you until Skegness.

Lane 2 is the lane of the average. And as such, it is religiously populated by the kind of ape-brained simpleton who neither has the observation and anticipation needed to make progress in the inside lane or the talent to mingle with the high speed cut and thrust of the outside lane.

There are many problems with the Middle Lane Moron (MLM).

Endangering others
It is easier for an MLM to move over to the left, than it is for the car behind to pull out into Lane 3, where the speeds are higher and there is more chance of a collision. The MLM already has good visibility of Lane 1 and knows that Lane 2 tends to move faster. As undertaking* is less common than overtaking, it is a simpler and less dangerous action for him to move left, than for the approaching car to pull out into the faster moving outside lane (where speeds tend to be higher and overtaking more prevalent). Therefore the MLM is, to some degree, endangering others.

Impeding traffic flow
Research has shown that touching the brake lights can lead to successively heavy braking from the traffic behind, with queuing sometimes being the result. Braking should be avoidable with enough anticipation and observation, but for the best traffic flow you need space to manoeuvre and time to make choices. With two lanes to chose from, you will have a wider gap and a greater safety margin, than if being forced by an MLM to overtake in Lane 3. By moving to Lane 1 where it is clear, you allow traffic behind to pass more freely and uninterrupted, theoretically preventing unnecessary braking.

Causing congestion
Undertaking is frowned upon by the police, so an MLM is effectively reducing a three lane motorway to a two lane road. Simply by not moving over. Why build a 27th lane onto the existing M25 when some tosser will drive in lane 26 and reduce it to two lanes again? Think of the time and money wasted because the UK's road users are travelling so inefficiently on the black stuff…

Common discourtesy
Not moving over when a faster moving vehicle wishes to past is just plain rude. If someone was waiting patiently to go through a doorway that you were standing in, would you ignore them? Would you only move when asked? Now I'm not exactly Mr Etiquette, but I don't go around acting like a rude, ignorant twat the whole time. But this is what MLMs are doing, to all intents and purposes.

You can read the official take on middle lane moronity by checking out the Highway Code at www.highwaycode.gov.uk/11.html#112

It doesn't exactly call for lane-hogging numpties to be strung up from the nearest motorway gantry, but it is pretty clear about the fact you should keep left unless overtaking:

Sections 116 and 117 state:

116
On a two-lane dual carriageway you should stay in the left-hand lane. Use the right-hand lane for overtaking or turning right. If you use it for overtaking move back to the left-hand lane when it is safe to do so.

117
On a three-lane dual carriageway, you may use the middle lane or the right-hand lane to overtake but return to the middle and then the left-hand lane when it is safe.

In May 2002, when this website hadn't even entered the realms of consciousness, I decided to write an email to the Department of Transport, and my best friend, Dave Scott, decided to do the same.

Now, we both guessed at departments, because there isn't one entitled 'Division For Motorway Muppetry', and sent our emails on their merry way. Lo and behold, I never heard back from mine. It probably hit the trash icon on a bureaucrat's computer screen or got misdirected to the Ministry of Fishfingers or something.

Anyway, Dave did get a reply. And a courteous, thoughtful reply at that. It was sent by a certain 'John Doyle' from 'Road Safety Division 3'. He said:

Dear Mr Scott

Thank you for your e-mail of 28 May 2002 about lane discipline on our motorways. I have been asked to reply.

The Government sympathise with your concern about the standard of driving on our motorways. "Lane hogging" can be very irritating to other drivers, it reduces road capacity, particularly at high flow levels and it is potentially dangerous. However lane hogging is not a specific offence, although it is safe driving practice for vehicles using motorways to remain in the left hand lane unless overtaking as advised in the Highway Code. Failure to comply with the advice in the Highway Code does not in itself constitute an offence (nor would it necessarily be crucial to the outcome of any civil case which might come before the courts). However, anyone involved on such a case would be entitled to point to a failure to heed the Highway Code's advice. It would then be for the court to reach its decision in the light of all the evidence presented to it. Nevertheless The Road Traffic Act 1991 has given police the powers to prosecute people for the offences of dangerous and careless and inconsiderate driving.

Overtaking on the left is not an offence in the United Kingdom. However, all drivers are bound by our road traffic laws, and liable to prosecution for offences such as careless or dangerous driving. Enforcement of the law is, of course, a matter for the police who will make their decisions on whether to prosecute in the circumstances of each individual case.

My Department will continue to press home the message about good motorway lane discipline through publicity such as our leaflet "A Guide to Safer Motorway Driving". Additionally, signs reading "Keep Left Except When Overtaking" have been erected on some motorways and lane discipline has also been included in police motorway safety campaigns.

Yours sincerely

JOHN DOYLE

Now this basically says that being a middle lane moron is fundamentally LEGAL, but he does concede that the Road Traffic Act 1991 can be used to prosecute 'inconsiderate driving', so there is some hope there. Mr Doyle also states that UNDERTAKING IS LEGAL. Good news. Although he does point out that the Plod will look dimly on undertaking as it is potentially a careless or dangerous act. Hardly carte blanche to do what you want, then.

As for his leaflet 'A Guide to Safer Motorway Driving', this is something I have yet to see. Why not send it out with a road tax reminder, so I can't miss it? He also mentions signage, but I have only ever seen one 'Keep Left Unless Overtaking' sign on UK motorways, and this means there obviously need to be more.

So, it is still worth pressing for more signage, more education and clarification about undertaking? If it is written into the statutes that drivers can overtake on the right OR LEFT on multi-carriageway roads , then it is less likely to be seen as an unconventional 'dangerous or careless' act by the police.

You should only be in the middle lane (or outside lane, in the case of dual carriageways) when you are overtaking, otherwise you should keep left (unless unsafe to do so because of a closed lane, standing water etc.). There are three main exceptions:

Being boxed in. It is acceptable to pull out into the middle lane early if there is a realistic chance of being 'boxed in' by a car approaching from behind. Indeed, approaching drivers who block traffic in Lane 1 are as offensive as MLMs.

If there isn't room or time to pull back into Lane 1, before you'll need to overtake again. Your closing speed relative to traffic in the inside lane will be critical here. If it is very similar, you should be able to pull in safely, even if the gap is relatively small. If much higher, then you will only be able to pull into large gaps in the inner lane.

If you are following in a line of overtaking traffic. Sometimes, there'll be a truck or other slow moving obstruction (like a Citroen 2CV) in the inside lane. Everyone will move out to Lane 2 to avoid being boxed in. Hanging around in Lane 2 in these circumstances is OK, but remember two things:

	If you are at the head of the queue, get a move on and overtake as swiftly and safely as you can within the realms of the law.
	Do not pull out too early and block faster moving traffic. Remember - if you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Don't follow in the middle lane if you can either pull over to Lane 1 or overtake in Lane 3.

Not middle lane morons. Just too much traffic, someone overtaking slowly at the front of the queue and a law that frowns on undertaking

Sometimes, you will see a whole line of traffic in Lane 3, with a solitary slow moving numpty in the distant middle lane. Now, you can't overtake in Lane 3 like you could do in the previous scenario. So what do we recommend? There are two options.

The first is to join the queue, perpetuating the problem, keeping a safe distance from the car in front, and allowing undertakers to pull in. Overtake as swiftly and decisively as possible if you are the lead car and a queue is starting to form in Lane 3 behind you.

The second solution is to undertake sensibly and reasonably, but this is potentially illegal and dangerous. See 'The Solution' section.

*yes CarZ, I know that undertaking should really be 'overtaking on the inside' but that would just confuse matters, OK?